Egyptian Peddler

Try to keep with me because this issue is long and exhaustive. I am a 19 year old man, Egyptian, almost 20 and I live in Egypt since I was about 11. I have a terrible relationship with my parents and my culture in general. My grades are pretty bad, because I can never get to study, my procrastination and obsessive-compulsive makes worse. I am a thinker, not a maker of depth. I think my problems and place in life and keeps me from paying attention to details by pressing the present. I still have a good overview, but when it comes to matters of routine, I am almost distracted. My parents are Egyptians manual. Religious, traditional. They think I'm weird in almost every way, even the little things I do as well as my point of view, we stopped to talk years ago because it would provoke major incidents of the family. I tell them almost nothing about my personal life because I know they'll just judge, deny, make it more difficult and yet they get angry with me to keep something from them, even if they admit that 'they will react with anger! I'm agnostic. Non-believers. My political views probably follow those of the entire right wing of the West. I think society has got to have here a radical modernization. Personally, I'm weird ... I think I'm eccentric, and I think that is the result of long years spent alone in Egypt since I can not talk to people here about things more than I can my parents. Friends tend to agree with her line, which is the only place I can talk, and for this reason that I also developed a strong dependence cat. I am very close to quite a few people online and I can not give up the habit, because it is the only color in my life. However, I do not know of good will to leave to live a virtual existence. I am a spendthrift and I find it stressful to not be able to buy anything I want when I have the money, especially food, because I have a binging problem too. So biennial budgeting is not my thing, and it is a problem because the money I receive from my parents, but it is good enough for them, can not support a lifestyle sporadic. So I need to learn to budget too, but it is difficult not to happen when I'm still there and treat myself out with food and things. I really hate living in this country and I did for most of my life, I can not stand the spoiled children that are cheap copies laughable to Western popular culture, not Western intellectualism, I do not support Religious fanatics, I m surrounded by superstition, I hate rowdy peasants who make more noise than a barrel of monkeys everywhere they go, I hate the abject, hopeless poverty, I see across the street, merchants and beggars in the howling of soot blackened rags. If I grades I might be able to study in Germany in two or three years ("may" because I'm talking about and everyone always say that I "may" be able to do something) and I think I'll always have a great new semester, but the academic stress does not stand over my personal life. I also really insecure about my looks, especially my nose and my considerably large size (170 cm / 5'7) which is the average here in Egypt, but seems to be short abroad ( I have never been abroad) and the main reason I considered the height is that I prefer European girls who are as far from my culture because they can be. I had something with an Egyptian woman six years older and she really liked me back but finally told me we would not even be able to touch each other, except that we're married and I made difficult because it was exactly what any other girl told the Egyptian. I have serious problems with anger management, but I can not help but explode when I always feel so bombarded on all fronts and can not fall back on anythin.